Sexuality and Teenage Identity in a Social Media Driven World

People hold their phones to their hearts, put their laptops in backpacks to take with them everywhere, and set their tablets where their books once sat. Although adults are strongly influenced by the digitally mediated age, it is nothing in comparison to teenagers, rising up to become the next generation of leaders. All teenagers from this point forward have never known a time without the Internet. Furthermore, most teens are on some sort of social media platform. 71% of teenagers are on Facebook, and 52% use Instagram.Websites and apps such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat have a huge influence in teenagers’ lives, both socially and mentally.

There is a direct connection between teenagers using social media platforms and what they believe about sexuality, and the correlation is a grim reality. The current way that teenagers identify the purpose of their sexuality is not Biblical. It is perverse, degrades females and males alike, and teaches individualistic selfishness. Teaching about Biblical identity and community is the key to redeeming a skewed view of sexuality for the social media saturated American teenager.

Connecting Sexuality, Social Media, and Teenagers

To effectively show the correlation between sexuality, social media, and teenagers, one must begin with looking at the current priorities of Americans. American culture is obsessed with technology, especially phones. According to Mobile Statistics,the average adult is spending 90 minutes a day on their phone, which comes out to 23 days a year. In an even more alarming statistic, Business Insider states that if a person is between the ages of 13 to 18, they spend nearly 9 hours a day on entertainment based media. When that much time is being spent on any activity, it is going to affect the way that a person functions.Social media puts a special amount of pressure on teenagers, as it simulates a social situation, but without face-to-face interaction. In The Happiness Effect, Michael, a sophomore at a public university states “[Social media] gives this false image that you’re living a perfect life, that your life is just like a fairy tale. You want them to see only the good times so that they go, “Wow, I want to live like him.”This fake or altered front has serious implications in the teenager's life.  They are able to edit their digital presence to a certain way that they want it to be, but they are also able to view their digital interactions in a statistical form. Looking at the amount of likes, follows, and comments, many teenagers associate these numbers with their personal value. When relationship and interaction is moved to digital statistics, understanding of healthy community is completely skewed. Technique and algorithm is not relationship building. It is the base for marketing and propelling a certain image.Teenagers seek after belonging, as all humans do. This has been the desire of the ages, but with different generations has come different ways of going about it. Since social media is central to their lives, teens look for belonging in social media platforms. Males and females look for these fulfillments in different ways, but they both look hard and long. Although there is a temptation to do what gets the most likes and to follow social media techniques, teens also recognize that this rarely leaves them with any real concept of belonging. In social media, finding people on the platforms with similar interests is where teens will feel as though they believe. These relationships, however, do not lead to continued relationship outside of the digital. Most of these groupings stay online, isolated from actual human contact, and can cause real damage.Where does sexuality fit into this? What does it have to do with belonging?A lot, actually.Teenagers look heavily to their peers as they make decisions about their lives. Now that they can see what others think about their own bodies, sex lives, and even gender identification easily through social media, it has strongly impacted the way that they value themselves.  How teenagers view sexuality comes down to what is influencing them. With the large amounts of time spent on social media, it is a main influencer. Pick up any book addressing teenagers and social media, and you'll find that sexuality is a big topic within them.The book American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers is currently one of the most valuable pieces of writing on the topic of teenagers, sexuality, and social media. It's specified around teenage girls, but still holds great value for understanding all teenagers today. Although there are some statistics within the writing, the foremost focus on the book is hearing the stories of the teenagers growing up in the society that exists today. In seeking to share effectively and to understand thoroughly, statistics cannot be the only resource. It must also be told in story. Sales does an excellent job in combining these categories, and the stories are bleak and even draining. They are not, however, surprising.A clear example of the connection between warped sexuality and social media occurred my senior year of high school. I was hanging out with a few friends and  one of my friends started talking to this guy who nobody else knew. We all left the coffee shop and she joined us, shielding her eyes in embarrassment. "Talk about awkward,' she said. "I haven't seen him in several years, but he got my nudes last year. I don't know, we were talking or something. But he didn't want to date and neither did I." Everyone laughed at this social interaction fiasco except me. On the inside, I was in a rage. How could it be so commonplace for sacred bodies to be haphazardly "given away" over the internet? My friend hardly knew the guy she sent nudes to, and yet there was no sign of concern from anyone about it. After all, 50% of people have sent or received some sort of sext. In continuation of drawing a link between teenage sexuality and social media, because there is such a high visual element to these websites, teens read and see what they should be. Gone are the days of being told that models are photoshopped in magazines. Everyone knows that. What many do not know, however, is that the Instagrammers they follow are often living lies. There is just as much photoshop on these "real people" as in the magazines. Of course, that is a sweeping generalization, but no Instagram account gives a better example of the fake Instagram life than @lilmiquela. With 1.1 million Instagram followers, she has the fame that so many girls dream of. Only, there is one catch.Miquela isn't real. She's an AI robot.She recently "revealed" the fact that she was entirely made up, which many already knew.However, scroll through her posts and you'll see still see comments such as "you're so pretty ily!" "I just wish I was you tbh." "Great outfit choice" "ur so perfect." These are intermingled with many claims that she must be a robot or AI, and as we now know, these claims ended up being correct. Even with the claims against Miquela, this being (who isn't a human), has gathered a massive following online. Fame has been attained by a digital creation.Outside of the example of following a social account that isn't even run by a human, a more tangible example of how sexuality is perverted in social media is celebrity worship.  The obsession with popularity and celebrity status has grown out of control. It is easy to become famous for little to no reason, or purely for entertainment based novelity.The Kardashian/Jenner Empire is a great example of a small moment being monopolized and turned into celebrity status. It all began when Kim Kardashian's sex tape was leaked, and this pornographic video led the Kardashian/Jenner clan into a life of luxury. Their combined net worth now sits at over 700 million dollars. With massive platforms to speak from (three of the Kardashian/Jenner dynasty made the list of Top 10 followed Instagram accounts in 2017) they have become role models to many teenagers. What does their influence inspire? A grim search after beauty.At an autograph signing for Kim Kardashian West's book Selfish, one teenage girl told West ""You've inspired me to be hot and famous." "Aw," said Kim. "I love you." (Sales 29).Boys and girls alike are bombarded with images from models of perfect six packs, and the dream hour glass figure. Add a caption about vulnerability and what it's really like in the day of a model, and you've found the package for a successful profile. Sophia, a girl interviewed in American Girls spoke on this, stating "If I find a super model on Instagram, I'll comment like, "I love you so much." Even though they haven't done anything to help the world and they're literally just standing there looking pretty. And like, being smart- no one cares about that.  If people aren't pretty nowadays, they're done with their life."In the realm of beautiful faces, idealized lives, and couples that are goals to everyone else around them, it is no surprise that there is another type of model that has mass followings on social media.Porn stars.Amassing likes and followers in the millions, the porn star continues to find great fame even on more family friendly sites. Pornographic videos may not be allowed under the policy on most social platforms, but websites such as Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram still allow for scantily clad women (and men) to coyly cover up their bodies just enough to pass what is allowed. It's not new news that pornography  is accessible like never before. It is the age of easy information and knowledge. One of the easiest way to access it or to develop curiosity surrounding it is via social media. By searching words such as hot, babes, and sexy, there is a plethora of content for teenagers to access. If that isn't hardcore enough, every other comment offers a link that ultimately points to porn. Is it any surprise that 90% of males and 60% of females have been subjected to watching porn by the time that they are 18? Even if they do not search it themselves, by merely being on the internet it will make itself easily accessible.Pornographic content is what most scholars have determined is creating a warped view of sexuality in teenagers. It affects the way the brain is wired, how rape culture is handled, and the level at which commitment is taken seriously. This is a significant contributor to girls being over sexualized, and boys feeling a need to show a certain type of “monster truck, wrestling mania” manhood. In an era of sexual liberty, this “liberty” has actually led to greater levels of perverse sexualization.It is not hard to see how the use of social media in a teenager's life affects their views on what it means to be a sexual being.

The Error in Current Discussion

The current mode of addressing Internet addiction and sexuality is a very narrow and mostly unsuccessful ideal. The only resources accessible are for parents who are trying to connect/understand their teenagers’ world. These books are by parents and for parents. It's from one adult to another about how to understand a vastly removed culture. There is nothing out there for teenagers themselves. Nothing for teenagers to read by adults, and certainly nothing by their own age group. No young adults are doing the research to bring to their peers, let alone to the parents. This continues to propagate the issue of teenagers not knowing what they are consuming, and often even if they know, they do not care.There has not been an effective method of bringing forth concern and change by teens. It would certainly be error to assume that teenagers are completely oblivious to the problem, or that they don't care. Almost all of my friends in Gen Z have taken some sort of "social media fast," seeing their own tendency towards addiction. However, they are either given rules and restrictions from their authority figures, guided by fear, or they are given no resources at all, left to fend for themselves.Because of the way that parents and adults have been presented in Western television, movies, and social media, they are viewed as unknowledgeable and stupid. While this issue of authority is another large topic for a different paper, it specifically affects the willingness that a teenager has to listen to anything a person of authority has to say to them. When their parents come to them about concerns, the teen is often too buried in their phone to listen. And if the parent takes away the phone? It's social suicide for the teen. At least, that's what they've been taught.Far worse than parents messing things up, the Church has done a woeful job of teaching and addressing sexuality in today's modern context. This is the one place that should be doing things right, but as history has shown, that does not tend to be the case. In the midst of topics in sexuality such as legalized homosexuality, moves to remove gender pronouns from people, and mass addiction to pornography, the church either remains silent on the issue, or goes into the discussion with fire and brimstone. These conversations and sermons are without sympathy or compassion towards those who are struggling with battles interwoven in their sexual identity. Teenagers learn early on to not talk about anything to do with their sexuality, sex lives, or even situations of abuse in church. Church is for Sunday mornings, and their actual lives are for every other day.Technological addiction is a big issue for all ages, but it has completely interwoven into the cultural makeup of teenagers.

Attacking Perversion with the Gospel Truth

The issue of sexuality in a society consumed by social media is a bleak landscape without the hope of the gospel; the Gospel leads to relational transformation and new understanding of identity. Christ calls people out of the darkness and into the light. Just look at Ephesians 5:8 for a reminder of who it is to be a believer. It is to be a light. In the same way, followers of Christ are called to step forward in light and love and expose what is dark, bringing beauty out of evil distortion.  Christ’s calling takes people out of sin into victory. In the same way, the Church has an opportunity in front of them. Through calling teenagers out of a community built around their phones and social media, they can be called into interactive face-to-face community.Honest truths must be spoken, and people must be willing to be honest about where they are at in their own lives. It is not just the teenagers that are addicted to their phones, with parents left scratching their heads. It was the parents who gave them their phones, and oftentimes, it is the parents who are addicted to their technology that gives the example to follow. In American Girls, Sales gives a clear example of the role that the phone (and social media) plays in the family's day to day life. She describes how parents watched a performance that their children performed in."The parents stood with cell phone cameras focused on the children. Almost every parent held a phone. If the children looked out at the crowd, they saw a sea of smiling adult faces, not looking directly at them, but gazing into their screens."Even some youth leaders at churches, who have the unique opportunity to speak truths into teenagers that will not listen to their parents are so focused on their social media that they miss an opportunity to call those around them to a higher calling. Parenting is never easy, but it is made so much harder when parents refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions, while calling their children to a standard that they themselves do not uphold.Because teenagers look to the example of whatever is in front of them, if  their parents are not there to discuss the issue of warped sexuality and to set firm technological boundaries, they will turn to other things like their phones. Even when parents step up, their kids often still will not listen to the wisdom that they have to offer. Rather than parents giving up and assuming that there is no hope, they must remember that while these problems are real and evident, so is the love of Christ. Love brings people together in perfect harmony, as Paul writes in Colossians 3:14. For parents that are scared that any truth they try to speak to their teens will go unheard, 1 John 4:18 states that Christ’s perfect love casts out fear. Truth spoken may not always fall on fertile soil, but those who speak it can have the conviction that God will give them truth to speak.The Millennial generation and the oldest of the Gen Z  cannot just put all blame on the way that they were raised. These young adults must be willing to be the voice for those who cannot or do not know how to speak. This is where I feel a strong calling to step in. For so long, I have felt all of the issues of a technological society so closely. Struggling with my own addiction to my phone and with the way I have been told by the world what makes my sexual being right or wrong, I have felt inadequate to address this topic. It is not as if I have deleted social media and kicked my phone to the curb. I still have all of my platforms and a smartphone.My very job, the work that is getting me through college, is in social media. I manage all of the social media for a large radio company. I have been offered multiple jobs this semester in social media because people want my expertise in the one communications field I don't want to be an expert in. In many ways, I am the least qualified to bring forth the issues that are occurring in my generation. If I really see an issue in social media, how can I still utilize it? Frankly, because I still see the opportunity for redemption within it.Where is the redemption in a medium that I admit myself has deep flaws? It is in utilizing social media to call people into community outside of their phones. If online groups, Facebook posts, and Snapchat stories are encouraging peers and friends to continue to dive into the phone driven lives, this is not honoring to God. Biblical community cannot be properly simulated in a digital community. Can the Lord use it? Of course. Can it be the greatest tool used to keep people isolated in their sexual sin (as well as other sins)?  Yes.Peter, a college student interviewed in The Happiness Effect, shared his thoughts on social media and relationships. "I think humanity just in general, craves an interpersonal connection. You can't get that through a computer screen. This is going to seem harsh to a lot of people, but if you're going through a hard time, don't go to social media about it. Go talk to the person about it." (Freitas 179).Through drawing people into communal living that includes doing life-on-life discipleship, calling people out on sin, and helping carry one another's burdens, this is where the gospel truth is utilized. A post on Facebook can be used to invite people over to one's house, utilizing the medium for something beneficial. The inherent biases of the medium must be known, but the redemptive possibilities must be as well. It can be used as a means to an end, but the identity of those utilizing cannot source from social media or their device, because that is idolatry. Essentially, having Instagram or Facebook isn't a sin, but the idolizing and top prioritization that so many in my generation hold these platforms to is a sin.What an encouragement it is that God uses the weak. Because of my own battles growing up in a digital generation, I know that the Lord gives me an unique understanding and compassion for all of my peers. This leads to an opportunity to lead in discussions surrounding social media which creates a bridge between generations. The large gap between generations that currently exists can be healed and brought forth in newness. Is this idealistic? Perhaps. However, I know that I serve a God that is above our own understanding.Rather than accept a defeatist attitude, it is critical that the church is at the forefront of response to the digital age and sexual perversion. The church cannot be silent on issues surrounding the internet, social media, and healthy sexuality. People must know their true identity for redemptive sexuality to occur. This is the root of victory. For Christians, this is simple.Scripture addresses over and over again what the believer’s identity is in Christ. Just a few verses that address identity include 1 Peter 2:9, 1 Corinthians 3:9, Ephesians 2:10, Colossians 2:10, and Galatians 5:1. If, as 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, the body of Christ is a new creation, then the way sexuality is handled can look completely different from what is being done now. It is entirely possible. It is time for the church to stop giving the flesh more power than it deserves.The church must live by a model of selflessness. This is what breaks chains of addiction. This is what leads to new beginnings and a higher calling. If followers of Christ truly want to be able to engage with the people surrounding them, lost in sin and darkness; they must be willing to live a life where Christ increases and they decrease. Sexuality can be redeemed. Teenagers are the hope of the future, because they are the next to rise up. It is time to start believing what Christ says he can do, and to be aware of what is going on in the world so that the Church knows how to respond in truth.