Phone Screen Flimflam: Navigating Invaluable Relationships in a World of Cheap Connections

While its trajectory remains conceptualized, the evolution of technology is axiomatic. This has had a great affect on social institutions, the family unit having experienced the brunt of consequences that come with increased usage of personal screens. In response to this, disintegration of relationships in the home may be healed through creating a culture that does not revolve around or depend upon the use of these devices.

FAMILY: DECIPHERED

In a perfect world, regardless of who is being asked, the home ought to stand as a place of refuge and rest. Rather than the structure of the house itself, however, the members are that which comprise and give form to its atmosphere. Parents, who have been given the bulk of responsibility in this area, can serve to strengthen relationships in the home, despite an external onslaught of pressure from the surrounding culture. Of course, this will prove (and has proven thus far) a difficult task, due to the enormity of technology's cultural influence. Media theorist Marshall McLuhan touches on the subject in one of his acclaimed works: “Character,” he states, “no longer is shaped by only two earnest, fumbling experts. Now all the world’s a sage.”While it is far too naive to assume that the negation of technology in the home is the only way that would lead to improved synergy amongst members, there are ways to enrich familial bonds through limiting or changing interaction with devices. By encouraging time spent face-to-face, having conversations that will spur on thought and sympathy alike, a greater reality may be reached.Looking at the American family, it doesn’t take long to find out that the structure, while unchanging in some areas, stands vastly different from that of ten (or even five) years ago. Where family dinners and downtime interactions used to have the near-full attention of each member, now that same attention must be shared with any devices in the room. Strength of relationships in the home was compromised, once personal devices were invited in. A divide between children and parents has grown because of the increased use of technology among its members. When technologically-absorbed lifestyles are first allowed, then incorporated into the home, the framework becomes affected in numerous ways. Children are limited in their availability to communicate with their parents (both to give and receive support). Parents, unlike their digital-native children, are digital immigrants, and can therefore struggle to gain proficiency and comfort with the ever-expanding world of technology. Additionally, smartphones offer children an independence in their relationships with family and friends, no longer tethering them to their parents' discretion when in need of contacting someone.Much of the research that has been conducted in this area by 2018 concerns not the older generations, but the younger. This is done primarily in an attempt to pile on both the blame and responsibility for the issue of smartphone overuse on the latter. Many of these studies have been done in regards to the behaviors and personalities of the children. What has yet to be explored is the way that family cohesion as a whole has seen detriment over time, as a result of both the parents and kids’ daily decisions.A healthier environment can be made by understanding three components. First, the family is supposed to function a certain way. This can be clearly seen  by looking at the ways that the Creator has laid it out in Scripture. Second: technology, systems, and culture are separate from one another, albeit interrelated. This means that the independent nature of each still influences the others. Finally, it is the responsibility of the entire family, both the parents and the children, to learn how (not whether) to use these methods of communication in a way that benefits one another.

FAMILY: BLUEPRINTED

While outside forces such as technology and systems do have an impact on the way culture is shaped, there remains a responsibility on the shoulders of the culture: to maintain practices that align with its core values. One way for the American Christian family to understand how it ought to shape itself is by looking at what its designer laid out in the Bible. Herein lies the set of behavioral and relational guidelines that God intended to be intrinsic to creation. These guidelines are specific: they target how both parents and children ought to act, how the family is to relate to the rest of the Body of believers, and how the family is to reflect Christ to those outside the Body.When it concerns parental authority within the home, the Bible is clear in its concern toward the mother and father’s roles. Both the Old and New Testament provide a structure by which parents may shape their behavior. As John Piper observes, parents are to provide for (2 Corinthians 12:14), instruct (Deuteronomy 6:6-9), discipline (Ephesians 6:4), and encourage (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12) their children. Of course, the father and mother each have a unique position to fulfill in the lives of their children. To be a father, biblically, is to mirror the compassion (Psalm 103:13) and discipline (Proverbs 13:24) that God the Father has shown to those whom He forgives and calls His children (Romans 8:16-17). Mothers also have a vital role, not simply in childbearing, though they are given much honor in doing so. The wisdom, kindness, and comfort of a mother, when shown selflessly to her children, make her the delight of her family (Proverbs 31:28-29). Though there are an abundance of verses pertaining to the way that parents’ discipline and Christlike example serves to train up their children, the Bible as a whole is useful for each parent to model their lives after. The more each member of the family abides personally to God’s will for their lives, the more the entire family unit will resemble His design.For children, their role is simple: obedience to (or at least, respect for) their parents. The Bible is explicit in this command, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land,’” (Ephesians 6:1-3). Assuming that the discipline they receive from the parents is for their own lifelong benefit, as well as understanding that Jesus Himself took on flesh and lived a life in perfect submission to the Father (John 12:49), children have simply to walk in obedience of what they are told. Ultimately through this practice, they can lead lives in obedience to their Heavenly Father.

FAMILY: IMMERSED

One of the things that Scripture is adamant to Christ-followers about is the responsibility they have to steward well what has been given them by God. Today, one of the most crucial things that Christians (for perhaps the first time in history) must steward well is their interaction and involvement with media. Many use the term "media" to describe what they see being broadcasted on a day-to-day basis (i.e. social networking sites, televised news programs, radio, newspapers, podcasts). For the sake of this argument and beyond, media must be understood not as a colossal, cloud-based conglomerate, but by three distinct and interrelated parts: technology (the “box” and its biases), systems (the business and its motives), and culture (the people and their context). In the case of this study, technology is the smartphone, the system is social media, and the culture is the family. Each plays a part in impacting the others. Being immersed in systems (social media) via the use of technology (smartphones) shapes the culture of the family unit in a specific way. What once served as a solitary social institution is now impinged upon and influenced by another giant: media. When much cultural meaning and purpose is derived from the institution of media, rather than from the institution of the family, individuals will rely more heavily upon the former as that which shapes their identity.This has indeed happened within the American Christian home. Rather than focusing on building up the family unit while wisely navigating its involvement with this other, rapidly growing social institution, parents and children alike have adopted media’s influential pull into their lifestyles. In this light, the blame for family cohesion’s deterioration is not simply the technology, system, or culture’s fault alone, but a combination of all three.Technology is the leading culprit behind an upward trend in social isolation. Now that it has become a ubiquitous possession in the home, cases of isolated family relationships have also grown exponentially. consisting of isolated relationships. The use of screens within the home began with the television (as Postman largely analyzed), but has gradually shifted to personal devices such as the smartphone. Though these devices are advertised for their benefits on an individual’s lifestyle, they do not serve to benefit the communal needs innate to humankind. Man was made to experience community in the flesh; life on a wifi-connected island simply does not sustain. Smartphones in particular exacerbate this issue, by drawing people away from physical community in lieu of an online one. Since 2007, it is with very little exception that the smartphone is a constant or near-constant presence for the average citizen.In addition to technology being at fault, the system of social networking is also at fault for creating a model that is non-conducive to the building up and strengthening of familial bonds. This can be seen in the formed biases innate to social networking. Regardless of the original purpose, each app was created with a bias. In other words, there is a specific way that it should be used, determined by its developer. Social networking apps such as Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat (as well as many others), while created with the intent to keep people somehow connected, have only served to degrade the quality of connection between individual persons. The introduction of these social media apps within the context of at-home relationships has provided an alternate reality, allowing members to avoid their true context. With an ever-present way of escape, face-to-face interactions between family members can become scarce, which only weakens the relationships over time.Finally, yet possibly most importantly, culture is responsible for making decisions about their involvements with technology and systems. Refusal to do so consciously will inevitably allow their hazardous effects to decay the family unit; passivity is not a sufficient form of defense. When boundaries and values are not clearly defined by the leader or leaders of the home, those of the outside culture will inevitably become adopted. In the American Christian home, many of the values and boundaries that exist have been drawn from the surrounding culture, rather than the Word of God. While it is possible to tap out of real communion with others when holding an online community in one's hand, being aware of this capability is the first step toward deciding not to immerse oneself in it. The negative effects that the broader culture as a whole experiences due to the presence of the smartphone and social media could be avoided to a much greater extent, if prevented first within the home. Since the only real way to bring about change in a culture is to create a new example of culture, Christ-following families ought to be leading the way in creating this culture in the home.

FAMILY: CULTIVATED

Understanding the interrelationships between the smartphone, social media apps, and the family is the beginning, but not the answer, to resolution of the issues of isolation, avoidance, and secrecy in the family. It is up to both the parents and the children of the family to seek a better and more wholesome reality than one that continues to obsess from the standpoint of ignorance.The leader or leaders of the home have a unique role to play when it comes to the use of personal devices and social media. For the sake of their own health, they are responsible for their own interactions with the technology and systems. Since they are the ones to set guidelines within the home, it is imperative that they first have guidelines in place for themselves, as these will inescapably end up shaping those of their children. Research on the affects of technology is largely targeted toward younger audiences, as a means of preventing some of its negative effects from being translated downward generationally. This practice, however, does not pull the weed by its roots, but by the leaves, therefore it will remain alive until properly addressed.Parents, in their responsibility of leading by example through faith and conduct, are able to greatly impact not only the culture within the home, but broader culture as a whole. Their example of how they choose to limit their device and social media usage is able to uplift not only their children alone, but also each other as a couple, as well as other parents both in the Church and outside of it. This responsibility will be something that they are held accountable to before God, who set up the design of authority for His people (being the ultimate authority Himself).Not only the parents, but the children, are obligated before God to interact with the technology and systems in a way that is glorifying to Him. How is this possible? Who will it affect, other than themselves? With the abundance of research budding in this field, it does not take very long to access resources that explain some of the effects of smartphones and social media on teenagers and children. As they are affected on an individual level, however, they will inescapably impact one another, as well as older generations. The Bible does instruct children to lead exemplary lives that everyone may understand the strength of the Lord that lives within them (1 Timothy 4:12). In regards to their use of technology, this verse holds no exceptions.

FAMILY: REALIGNED

A better reality can be introduced into the family unit when the parents and the children of the family each agree to adopt behaviors that will benefit their relationships with one another. Further, this reality ought to be implicated. Through becoming more educated on the affects of individual devices, as well as setting realistic boundaries around their usage, the family will be much more suitably prepared to invest in eternity, both for the sake of others, and in pursuit of spiritual reward. Although the time for this responsibility is more overwhelming than ever before, with the issues at hand evolving nearly too quickly to understand their full effect, dealing with the present without being hindered by past experience or future burdens is the only way that God’s commands may be effectively carried out by His children. When this mindset acts as the lens through which the Christian follows in obedience the rest of God’s precepts, it allows for the Holy Spirit’s work in their hearts. And when this work is being done to guide individuals toward better stewardship, families will sequentially follow suit. It is through this alignment of the heart toward the God who made it that technology and systems may finally be completely submitted to Him.