Writing Truth
To all the Christian women who grew up like I did, believing that they were not achieving all that they could; those who believed that they were not good enough or that they were alone in their suffering.
The Christian Self-Help Book
I trail behind my mother as she walks from the CDs with Christian artists on the covers to the mugs plastered with Bible verses and flowers. We pass the books. Looking at the covers that line the shelves of the Family Christian Store, I see a lot of smiling women. All of them are dressed perfectly, like Christian supermodels. They are thin, and their clothing aligns perfectly with the trends of that year. Leafing through pages, I see chapter titles that are encouraging but largely unsubstantial. All of them seem to want to conform me to the image of the woman on the cover. They give me five simple steps to make my life better. They tell me how Jesus wants me to be more productive, work harder. I know I do not look like these women. And my story has not gone the way that it is supposed to according to their books. Does anyone else struggle like I do?Much of the Nonfiction writing marketed to Christian Women comes in the form of Christian self-help books. I see a gap between Christian fiction and this type of self-help nonfiction. Where is the nonfiction narrative? Where are the true stories of women’s lives, stories of suffering and pain, but stories of redemption? Well-intentioned Christian women wrote these books to help, but the format is hurting others. Many women who have grown up within the Western Evangelical Christian Subculture have been surrounded by bookstores full of books like these. These books come recommended by mothers, grandmothers, and small group leaders.Throughout my teenage years, I was handed books about purity and boundaries and waiting for marriage. I read the Beth Moore's and the Dannah Gresh's. But not one of them told me that in Christ I was free. None of them taught me about the Incarnation. None of them told me their stories. So, it isn't hard to believe that by 17, I wasn't all too sure that I wanted to be part of this kind of Christianity. And why would I? All I had seen in the books that I read, was an image of perfection that I could not relate to. I compared myself to these women and found myself lacking. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be perfect like they seemed to be. And this media reflected the Christian community I was a part of, because it was coming out of that community. Without substance of faith through theology or community, I was unsure if there was really a God who heard me and acted.
Many use personal stories only to push their five-step plan to self-improvement.
Very few of these popular books exhibit real vulnerability in showing harder aspects of life. They show a glamorized version of reality. Many use personal stories only to push their five-step plan to self-improvement. But deeper relationship with Christ is not one of those steps. Even though these are "Christian" books, they are not CHRIST-ian. Christ is not of central importance as he should be. And his teachings are substituted for the author's teachings with some Jesus taped on. This mimics every other non-Christian self-help book. But I believe we should have a different goal. Telling our stories through writing and vulnerably sharing in our suffering with others brings about beauty, edifying the body of believers. This directs our gaze back to Jesus Christ, the power of our salvation, who we can rightly gain our identity from.This is not merely a "Christian book" problem. This is a Christian media problem. Many typical Christian mediums (books, music, movies, radio, etc.) utilize sensationalism. This basically means they always tell the most extreme testimony, show the most suffering orphan, or dress the woman on the cover in the most perfect outfit. (To understand how sensationalism affects us, think of the last time someone asked you how your day was going. Did you feel the need to reply with a phrase like, "Oh, you will not believe what happened to me today!" instead of just answering honestly?) All of this projects an ideal image that continues to be propagated through these Christian mediums. Christian nonfiction is a good example of how this occurs.Christian publishers flood the market with books written by authors who are guaranteed to sell. In short, easy to consume chapters, the format generally follows that the author will introduce their solution to a problem, share a quick personal story, and drive home their point just before closing the chapter and moving onto their next solution. Because of the prevalence of this type of literature within the sociological context of Evangelicalism, we can witness many of the effects. Women read these books as they flood the market and enter Christian stores. When a book is overtly Christian, discernment is often abandoned in evaluating themes or ideals promoted within it.As women continue to buy these books, they start to parrot language used in the books and attempt to follow the guidelines set forth in the books to improve themselves. Books are discussed after church on Sunday and the language enters the community. Enough women read the same book and the methods and mindset of it are accepted as factual. If the author releases a Bible Study or Study guide version of the book, churches push it out into women’s’ small groups. When a book has become legitimized, the underlying messages of the book is wholeheartedly embraced. This underlying message often tells women that there is an ideal to be achieved--an ideal beauty, relationship status, spiritual maturity, or emotional state.Readers are offered neat solutions to the problems of life. Everything we see is a cultivated, filtered version of reality. Authors tell us that problems are ours to solve if we can just work hard enough at it. God is not brought into the conversation. Instead of cultivating a desire for him, the focus is shifted to the self. They gloss over suffering. Even when authors share stories from their own lives, there is often no true vulnerability. Women experiencing real suffering feel that no one can relate to them. They are disappointed when the books they read confirm this. As they strive for perfection, they become desperate, realizing they cannot reach the standard set for them. This creates isolation, shame, and loneliness as suffering is hidden away behind a facade.
Girl, Wash Your Face: A Case Study
To avoid dealing merely in generalizations, I want to focus on a current title that embodies this type of book. Recently Rachel Hollis’s book Girl, Wash Your Face has been at the top of Christian bestseller lists. Some have spoken out against the book, yet it remains the number one bestseller (as of November 2018). This book is centered around a striving mindset. “The truth?” Hollis writes, “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are. That’s the takeaway.” (Hollis, XI). She tells us to stop believing the lies that we have been told: “be more content,” “stop being complacent.” At the end of every chapter, we are given three steps called “Things that helped me,” that we can follow to be better. Suggestions include things like “Creating a vision board.”
Jesus becomes the answer to our productivity problems rather than a Savior.
I respect Hollis for her attempt to expose lies and provide truth. But she does not posit Jesus Christ as the solution to these problems. The overall structure of the book is flawed because of this. Women are shown an ideal even as they are told they should just be who they are. Jesus becomes the answer to our productivity problems rather than a Savior. He helps us achieve our goals and be better.Hollis states in one of her chapters: “I’m sure someone who studied theology will tell me that this actually means something different” (Hollis, 78). This concerns me. She throws a few verse references in, then makes this comment. This type of theologically deficient book belittles women’s intelligence and denies them an experience of Christ. It also denies the importance of theology to faith. It is the difference between telling women, “You are a princess,” and “You are fearfully and wonderfully made—behold your king.”There is a better way to write that edifies Christian women. Nonfiction narrative allows true stories to be told. When stories from our lives are told beautifully through writing, we are able to share our testimony. When we bravely show vulnerability and share, we expel the lie that we are alone in suffering. Christ suffered, and we are called to share in that suffering within the body of Christ.
Testimony
Let’s think about testimony. Have you ever sat with other believers and told your story—the story of God’s work in your life? I grew up in a church that rarely shared testimony. If we heard anyone’s life story, it was in the form of a well edited video. When I went away to a Bible school, testimony was not something I was thinking about. Then, on a study abroad trip in the UK, two girls from the group decided to organize testimony nights. They were nothing fancy. Two people would share every Wednesday. We would collect our spare change in a peanut tin to buy snacks for the next week. But nothing else bonded our group more. I was amazed as we began to see God’s work in each other’s lives. We knew each other’s struggles and encouraged each other. Places where I had struggled alone for years, I heard others speak into. I was not the only one suffering, what a revelation!There is, of course, a difference between sitting around and hearing a testimony spoken aloud, and reading it on a page. But I am not calling for a cessation of spoken testimony. The community implications of that would be devastating. There is something about being able to write a story down, though, that can make it easier to share. I know that many times I have felt afraid to say something aloud. But when I am able to write it, some of that fear is removed.Reading activates our brains in different ways. As a general rule, the brain trusts the sense of sight more than that of hearing. When we see something with our own eyes, our brains are willing to suspend disbelief, even if what we're hearing contradicts what we see. This strange relationship is illustrated with something called "The McGurk Effect" (test your brain with the video here). Even when our brains hear the sound "bah," if this same sound is accompanied by a visual of a person moving their lips to produce a "fah" sound, our brain chooses to believe the visual. The sense of sight overrides the sense of sound. So, it seems there is something important about seeing something concretely before us.In Amanda Hontz Drury’s book on testimony, Saying is Believing, she lays out a theology of testimony. She gives four reasons that we as Christians should testify. I think they clarify the concept of testimony, especially if you have not grown up with the practice. Drury states that we should testify out of gratitude to God, that we are empowered to testify, that testimony is the primary means of a Christian’s witness to the world, and that it serves as a seal of experience and faith in God (Drury, 101-102). We don’t tell a new story, we tell the story; the story of the gospel as it plays out in our own lives. We get to testify to the same Christ that the church has testified to through the ages. Testimony is the simplest and most pure form of proclamation of the Gospel. No one can deny the events of your own life. And because of God’s faithfulness, you can see him in every testimony.
Vulnerability
There is one problem with this is, of course: it can be terrifying to share. It takes courage to authentically show struggles that we instinctively cover up. It takes vulnerability. You may have heard the name “Brené Brown” bounced around, associated with the concept of vulnerability (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can go watch her TED Talk here). In her book Daring Greatly, Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” (Brown, 34). Vulnerability and shame go together. When the words that need to be written are written, shame is expelled because it is named. Brown quotes narrative therapists Jill Friedman and Gene Combs in her book I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t), as saying, “Speaking isn’t neutral or passive. Every time we speak, we bring forth a reality...If the realities we inhabit are brought forth in the language we use, then they are kept alive and passed along in the stories that we live and tell” (Brown, 156).The act of speaking shame frees us from it; it’s almost like a confessional. The freedom that we already have in Christ can be experienced. The more you hide and cower in the dark places, the heavier your burden will become. You aren’t allowing anyone to help you bear it; not others and certainly not Christ. But when you come into the light and expose shame, you aren’t just helping others, you’re helping yourself. When you speak out, God will work in you and heal you in the midst of whatever pain you’re experiencing. Because of his faithful love, he will continue the work he began in you. He is making you new.God knows us because he created us. Shame has been present since the garden when Adam and Eve tried to cover themselves. But God sought them out because he is a personal God. He made us to live in community with others. In construction of his church, he situated us in the middle of brothers and sisters who labor and suffer alongside us. Yet shame causes us to withdraw and isolate. We suffer in silence without ever knowing that the woman sitting next to us in church is struggling with the very same things. When we choose to push past this initial feeling and share through writing, we can join with other believers in our suffering.Incredibly, God not only gives us others, but himself. And in relationship with Jesus Christ the Son, we become authentically human. No other standard is worthy of drawing our identity from. God-glorifying, vulnerable testimony shared with other sisters in Christ points them back to their Savior. This should be the aim of our writing: to realign ourselves and others with Christ who is the true center; true God of true God. This is the beauty that we should chase after.
Suffering
Jesus does not invite us to come and live our best life now, he bids us come and die. Suffering is always a part of the story. Suffering was Jesus’ story. He actively pursued suffering to save us. Yet we avoid it and deny it at any cost. “Solidarity in Jesus Suffering” (Calhoun, 222) is listed as a spiritual discipline. Suffering is the avenue through which God brings joy, as contradictory as those things seem. And he is faithful—oh he is faithful—in bringing us through the suffering. He promises us redemption and beauty, beginning now and continuing into eternity. That is a hope worth holding onto. So, we shouldn’t be ashamed when we struggle. We shouldn’t withdraw, we should move deeper into community, writing about the things that God has brought us out of and the things that we continue to sit in.
What Now?
In all of this, I realize I am the worst offender. I have researched the importance of vulnerability and sharing in suffering with others. But in looking at my own life, I fail constantly at this. I distance myself from those who care for me and brush off questions with quippy laughter and dark humor. I don’t allow myself to acknowledge my own suffering and pain. And until I allow others into my pain, I will not allow Christ to heal it. I don’t allow people to see me at my worst or to hear the thoughts that I think. And until I do, I will be isolated and lonely like I am now.But God has told me to tell my story. Countless times I’ve doubted that my writing has any value. Who would care to read about my life? Yet, I know what I heard. If I can help one, single person feel less alone through my writing it’s all worth it; all the pain and vulnerability. Christ has sat with me in suffering and brought me through it. He continues to be my only hope. When we tell our stories, we shouldn’t be worried about the image we have maintained. We should tell the truth.This writing doesn't have to be outright Christian or use cliched language (like “christianese”), but I do believe that this writing should be informed by our theology. Christian women should be sharing their stories through writing. This includes all women, not only the big-name Christian celebrity authors. This provides an avenue for growth in community, as well as in security of our identities in Christ. For it is there that we find freedom--freedom to mourn and to laugh, freedom to live our stories wholeheartedly.These stories inherently tell of God’s work and character in our lives. I believe that there is value in Christians sharing struggles, sharing testimony, sharing stories that aren’t neatly tied off or overly sensationalized. Tell the truth. Because even though there may be parts of the story that you wish didn’t happen, God didn’t make a mistake. He uses all of our experiences for his glory. Maybe your writing will never be published. Maybe mine won’t either. But that’s not the goal. Tell your story. Tell the truth. Tell it artfully. And then share it with the young women you disciple, or your friends, or your daughter.
Tell your story. Tell the truth. Tell it artfully.
Christian women, if you have never heard it from anyone before, let me tell you now: there is no standard of perfection that you must achieve. You can be free from gazing enviously at the woman who is thinner than you. The moralism pushed on you from youth can be thrown off. The only perfect human being is Christ himself. And while you labor on your own power, he is waiting to truly perfect you, crucifying your hopes and conforming you to himself. His will is not that you would work harder, but that you would only delight in him. We must continually speak truth--for we forget it all too easily.
Works Cited
Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly. Avery, 2015.Brown, Brené. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't). Avery, 2007.Calhoun, Adele Ahlberg. Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us. InterVarsity Press, 2005).Drury, Amanda. Saying Is Believing : The Necessity of Testimony in Adolescent Spiritual Development. Downers Grove, Illinois : IVP Academic, an imprint of InterVarsity Press, 2015Hollis, Rachel. Girl, Wash Your Face. Thomas Nelson, 2018.
Ludden, David. "Hearing With Our Eyes, Seeing With Our Ears." Psychology Today. 13 Dec. 2018.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201511/hearing-our-eyes-seeing-our-ears