Real Life Reboot: An Open Letter to Tech-Engrossed Dads

Dad,There are many things I could say on the subject of technology in the home. Probably too much to be written down. If I were to ask you all of the questions that have come into my mind since I was little, we would have our longest conversation ever. Some of the questions have only arisen lately, but go back to a time when I was not thinking the way I do today. So here I am, wanting to ask you. Not simply to find a concrete or succinct answer, but to expose my line of thinking for you and possibly others as well. We’ve come a long way from what is dubbed ‘simpler times’, but that is just the nature of things, isn’t it?Don’t be fooled in thinking that the above question was my first. For, “That’s just how it is, right?” has always seemed to come from your side. I was never content with sitting by while you stared into a screen in order to fix a problem or multiply your brain cells. I was taught with words that those things happen between two or more people, not between a person and a device. It is true that different mediums such as books and various software are where we find much educational gain. But I was taught with actions that technology was the future of much more than education.For me, it began with an iPod shuffle. Not the kind that you clip on your clothes; it was the first generation that looked more like that extra tool in assembly required products that no one knows what to do with. Of course, without a screen, nothing could happen unless headphones were also present. Regardless of my first device having no screen, it changed my life. Suddenly, I was riding in the car and could zone out from actually being present in conversation. In my mind, I was somewhere far away, looking out the window and choosing songs based on my mood. This was the beginning of our family’s transformation.For you, it began with a computer. Further back than Steve Jobs inventing the Macintosh, though, you were wired. Of course, those in your college classes must have stood googly-eyed at the sight of your Sinclair ZX81. Something in you seemed to be created for this stuff. In your words, compatible. To this day, you remain everyone’s favorite IT go-to, always ready to use your knowledge to serve the needs of others. This has taught me valuable lessons in countless categories. But there is a flip side: you’d come home from work, having been immersed in technology all day, and turn to help others (and, increasingly, us) with technology. There was a divide, until there wasn’t.Soon we were old enough to use a computer, and while our daily time allowance was limited, that had no relevancy to its hold on our trajectories. The computer was only a start. My beginning came before the iPod, the iPhone, the iPad, and iOS. I can remember the days that each was released in succession, like milestones, and have consciously observed the evolution of screens from large, at-home plugin devices to pocket-size, ubiquitous universes. Many of my friends have not.For much of the world, it began with an iPhone. First, it wasn’t. Then, it was. You knew it was coming, though, even getting your hands on the first little black mirror before it was announced to global audiences at the 2007 Macworld convention. Since then, fingers have begun to twitch and ears perk up every time there is a hint at another generation’s release. Why? Because 11 short years later, we are completely addicted. Few could predict at the time of its revelation that this small gadget would nearly become a literal extension of our hands.It’s as though the cage of a wild and untamed beast was gently unlatched, by someone who forgot to put up the warning signs. “Smartphone on the loose.” This is because it was widely celebrated, as innovations have proven to be in the age of modernity.We didn’t know what the effects would be, but now we’ve begun to. I know I have. We used to sit down at the dinner table, unaffected by the informational influx constantly at our fingertips. “No phones at the table,” didn’t need to be a rule back then, because there was never a problem until we each had our own little screen to occupy our attention. No wonder it is so difficult to detach: as teenagers, it is where the majority of community is housed, along with identity. “This ought not be so,” people are beginning to introspectively realize, but maybe those same people played a part in creating such habits for younger generations to model after. I know you have… Without our phones, we are uncomfortable. It has become the social norm to carry and constantly check these digital communities. So much so, that we have an extremely difficult time connecting with real community, the people all around us every day. If we cannot even look a stranger in the eye for more than a millisecond, how has our technological immersion affected our deepest relationships—the lifelong best friends that we grew up with under the same roof?Of course, it becomes increasingly difficult to see one another in person, as I am now in college living across the country. The older we become, the more our circumstances tend to take us to different geographical locations. Even when we are all together, though, our schedules remain so full that uncharted time is rare. But these are not excuses to ignore the main issue at hand: Our devices. I remember recently coming home on school break, ready to spend time together again, but barely seeing everyone’s faces at home. Were we all there? Yes and no. While we were in the same house, each of us was in a separate room, spending time with our personalized versions of the internet.So far, the solutions have posed themselves in the form of questions. What do we do now; is limiting screen time enough, or is the problem much deeper than that; how will this affect generations to come.The question I will pose is this: What have you and I both done today to fight the negative ways that the smartphone has degraded these relationships? How are we choosing to detach from superficial online community, in order to truly reconnect with one another? It’s not a matter of you or me. It’s a matter of us and we. And nothing can be done at any time other than the present, which is why we must choose every day how to use technology in a way that will allow us to better serve and be present with one another.We have been submerged in and enamored by technology for long enough, and seen it draw us apart from one another. Now is the time to decide what we must do to prevent it from wreaking more havoc on our family. We are only given this one life, and one family to invest in. It is my deepest desire and greatest hope for us that we give a fading world a glimpse of something that lasts: our love for one another. And together, we can. With exceeding love,Your Daughter